Everything you need to know about play therapy: How Play Helps Children Understand, Express, and Manage Big Feelings

Written by Laura Boeré

Parenting can feel confusing and worrying when a child is having frequent meltdowns, withdrawing, becoming anxious, clinging, avoiding situations, or behaving aggressively. Parents may find themselves asking, “Why is my child behaving this way?”, “Why won’t they tell me what is wrong?” or “How could playing possibly help?”

Children do not always have the developmental capacity, emotional awareness, or words to explain what is happening inside them. Child-Centred Play Therapy (CCPT) provides a developmentally appropriate way for children to communicate and work through their experiences using play and a safe therapeutic relationship.

Behaviour is communication

Adults naturally focus on the behaviour they can see screaming, hitting, refusal, withdrawal, reassurance-seeking, or a need for everything to be perfect. However, behaviour is often only the visible tip of the iceberg.

Beneath the surface may be anxiety, sadness, fear, frustration, sensory overwhelm, uncertainty, unmet needs, difficulty coping with change, or emotions that feel too intense or confusing to explain.

For example:

• A child who pushes others away may be protecting themselves from rejection. 

• A child who becomes controlling may be trying to create predictability. 

• A child who melts down after school may have used all their energy coping throughout the day. 

Understanding behaviour as communication, does not mean that all behaviour is acceptable or that limits are unnecessary. Rather, it encourages adults to look beyond the behaviour and consider the child’s underlying experience.

Instead of beginning with, “How do I stop this behaviour?”, it may be more helpful to ask, “What might my child be communicating, and what support do they need?”

Why children communicate through play 

For adults, talking is usually the main way of communicating thoughts and feelings. For children, play and activity are often more natural.

Children tend to experience and understand the world through concrete, sensory, and physical interactions. Although they may be able to name emotions such as angry, worried, or sad, they may not yet be able to explain the complexity, intensity, or cause of those feelings.

In play, children can show rather than tell. A child may bury a figure in the sand, repeatedly rescue an animal, build a protected fortress, make characters fight, or carefully organise a family scene. This does not mean that every toy or action has one fixed interpretation. Instead, play gives children enough emotional distance to approach experiences that may feel too threatening, confusing, or abstract to discuss directly. 

Toys can represent people, feelings, relationships, and experiences. By acting out situations through figures, animals, dolls, art materials, or imaginary characters, children can transform an internal experience into something tangible that they can explore and influence.

For example, a child may not be able to say, “I feel small and powerless when adults are angry.” Instead, they may use a large dinosaur to overpower a smaller figure. The play gives physical form to an experience that may otherwise remain difficult to express.

Through self-directed play, children can:

• Express feelings and needs. 

• Make sense of confusing experiences. 

• Explore relationships. 

• Practise choices. 

• Experiment with different solutions. 

• Develop confidence and mastery. 

• Gradually make overwhelming experiences feel more manageable. 

A child may speak very little during a session while communicating a great deal through what they choose, repeat, avoid, create, or act out.

What is child-centred Play Therapy?

Child-Centred Play Therapy is a specialised therapeutic approach in which a trained therapist provides carefully selected play materials within a consistent and accepting relationship. The child has freedom to choose how to use the playroom, within clear boundaries that protect the child, therapist, room, and materials.

At the heart of CCPT is a belief in the child’s innate capacity for growth, healing, and positive change. Children are viewed as already having internal strengths and resources that can emerge when the right conditions are provided. The therapist’s role is therefore not to “fix” the child or provide all the answers, but to create a safe, accepting, and trusting relationship in which the child can explore their experiences, discover their own capacities, and move toward healthier ways of coping and relating

Although CCPT is child-led, it is neither passive nor without structure. The therapist remains closely attentive and responds in ways that communicate understanding, acceptance, confidence in the child, and respect for necessary boundaries. The therapist does not decide what the child should explore or use activities to force a particular conversation. Instead, they trust the child to approach important experiences at a pace that feels manageable.

The focus is on understanding and relating to the whole child rather than applying a different technique to each individual behaviour. This is what distinguishes play therapy from ordinary play at home. Everyday play is valuable in its own right, but CCPT takes place within a purposeful therapeutic relationship. Through the therapist’s responses, the child repeatedly receives messages such as: “I am here. I understand. You are accepted. You are capable. Your choices matter, and there are safe limits.”

What happens during a play therapy session?

At the beginning of therapy, the child is introduced to the playroom and told in simple terms that they may choose how to use the available toys and materials. Some children begin playing immediately. Others may cautiously inspect the room, remain close to the therapist, repeat familiar activities, or test whether the therapist and boundaries remain predictable. During the session, the child chooses the activities and sets the pace while the therapist remains attentive and emotionally present.

The therapist may:

• Describe or track the child’s actions. 

• Reflect feelings. 

• Recognise effort and intentions. 

• Respond to nonverbal communication. 

• Return age-appropriate responsibility. 

• Support decision-making. 

• Set calm therapeutic limits when needed. 

For example, rather than evaluating a drawing as “good”, the therapist might say: “You worked really hard to make that exactly the way you wanted it.”

This draws attention to the child’s effort and judgement, supporting an internal sense of competence rather than dependence on adult approval.

Limits are introduced only when necessary. The therapist acknowledges the child’s feeling or wishes, clearly states the boundary, and gives the child an opportunity to choose another acceptable way to express themselves. For example, the therapist may communicate: “You are really angry with me, but I am not for hitting. You can choose another way to show me how angry you feel.” These moments allow children to practise flexibility, problem-solving, self-control, and responsibility while remaining emotionally accepted.

Parents and caregivers also remain important partners. Regular consultations may be used to review goals, discuss changes noticed at home or school, and identify ways to support the child while protecting the child’s privacy. Parents are generally informed about broad themes, progress, and support needs rather than receiving a detailed account of everything the child played.

How play therapy helps with big feelings 

When children become overwhelmed, the brain systems involved in language, reasoning, and problem-solving may be less accessible. Asking a distressed child to explain themselves or simply telling them to “calm down” can therefore require skills they are not able to use effectively in that moment.

Play allows emotional, sensory, physical, imaginative, and thinking processes to occur together. During CCPT, children can experience and express strong feelings while the therapist remains calm, interested, and accepting. The therapist does not shame the feeling, become frightened by it, or rush to make it disappear. This helps the child gradually experience that emotions can be felt, communicated, and survived safely.

This process can be understood as co-regulation. Before children can consistently regulate themselves, they often rely on a calm and attuned adult to help organise their emotional experience. Over time, repeated experiences of co-regulation can support children to:

• Recognise feelings earlier. 

• Tolerate frustration. 

• Recover from distress. 

• Express emotions more safely. 

• Make more flexible choices. 

• Develop greater internal control.

How safe relationships support change

Children develop beliefs about themselves and relationships through repeated interactions with important adults.

These experiences help answer questions such as:

• “Will someone notice when I am distressed?” 

• “Are my feelings acceptable?” 

• “Can I rely on other people?” 

• “Am I worthy of care?” 

• “Will someone stay connected to me when I am struggling?” 

The play therapy relationship offers consistency, emotional safety, and trust. The therapist seeks to understand the child’s experience without imposing judgement, expectations, or ready-made solutions.

For children who have experienced rejection, trauma, relational disruption, or unpredictability, this may provide an opportunity to discover what a reliable and caring relationship can feel like. 

Supporting attachment and connection is not about blaming parents or expecting perfect caregiving. All relationships include misunderstandings, disconnection, and difficult moments. What matters is the repeated experience of an adult being available, responsive, willing to reconnect, and able to repair when things go wrong.

What changes might parents notice?

Progress in play therapy is not always linear. Children may initially become more expressive, test limits, or communicate difficult themes more openly before changes become visible in everyday life. Development may first appear within the playroom and only later transfer to home, school, and relationships.

Depending on the child’s needs and goals, parents may gradually notice:

• Greater emotional awareness and regulation. 

• Increased confidence and independence. 

• More flexible thinking. 

• Stronger problem-solving skills.

• Improved frustration tolerance.

• Reduced anxiety. 

• Greater resilience following disappointment. 

• Healthier communication. 

• Improved relationships with family members or peers. 

Not every child will show every outcome, and the duration of therapy varies. Progress may be monitored through changes in the child’s play, their use of the therapeutic relationship, caregiver and teacher observations, and movement toward collaboratively identified goals.

Could my child benefit from play therapy?

Play therapy may be worth considering when a child is experiencing:

• Frequent emotional outbursts. 

• Anxiety or excessive worries. 

• Withdrawal. 

• Aggression. 

• Difficulty coping with change. 

• Low confidence. 

• Friendship or social difficulties. 

• Grief or family changes. 

• Noticeable behavioural changes following a stressful experience. 

• Difficulty expressing emotions or asking for help. 

It may also support children whose emotional or behavioural needs occur alongside autism, ADHD, trauma, attachment disruption, or other developmental differences. Suitability should be based on the individual child rather than a diagnosis alone. A therapist will consider the child’s age, developmental profile, circumstances, support system, goals, and whether CCPT or another approach is the best fit.

Seeking support does not mean that a parent has failed or that a child is “bad”. It means the child may benefit from an additional safe relationship and a developmentally appropriate way of working through what they are experiencing.

How parents can support the process

Parents can support play therapy by:

• Prioritising consistent attendance. 

• Informing the therapist of meaningful changes or concerns. 

• Participating in review sessions. 

• Allowing progress to develop at the child’s pace. 

• Avoiding pressure for the child to explain what happened in therapy. 

After a session, it is usually best to greet the child warmly and continue with the day rather than asking what they played, whether they had fun, or what they discussed.

A child may genuinely believe that they “just played”, even when meaningful emotional work has occurred. They may also need the playroom to remain a private space where they are not expected to explain, perform, please adults, or provide a report.

When children choose to share, parents can listen with interest and follow their lead without interpreting the play or asking repeated questions. Parent sessions provide a more appropriate opportunity to discuss concerns, review goals, and learn ways of responding that support the child’s developing confidence, emotional awareness, responsibility, and self-control.

Conclusion 

Children’s behaviour often tells a story before they have the words to tell it themselves. Through the natural language of play and the safety of a trusting therapeutic relationship, children can explore feelings, make sense of difficult experiences, discover their strengths, and practise healthier ways of coping.

If you feel play therapy could support your child, you’re welcome to explore our resources or reach out to learn more about how we can help. 

Our team is here to support your child and family, every step of the way. 

References:

Cochran, N. H., Nordling, W. J., & Cochran, J. L. (2023). Child-centered play therapy: A practical guide to therapeutic relationships with children (2nd ed.). Routledge.

Landreth, G. L. (2024). Play therapy: The art of the relationship: Theory and application of child-centered play therapy (4th ed.). Routledge